Swim Trunk

Halt! Hold it right there, Citizen Cannonballer™. I don’t give a bloody damn how refreshing you find a dip in the cool, chlorinated water, pool access is limited to card-carrying club members, registered guests or certified Olympic cannonballers! We can’t have limbless interlopers gallivanting — or approximating a gallivant — about the club premises. What’s more, cut-offs are expressly verboten! (I’m speaking of your swim trunks, of course, and not your physical trunk, as it were.) While I'm not unsympathetic to your apparent handicap, I must insist that you make you way to the shallow end of the pool and remove yourself from the water’s edge at once. If, perhaps, a kindly club member takes you under wing and/or appendage, allowances will be made and you can “bob” to your heart’s content. But until that time, out you go with the undertow!