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Random Memorandum™ to the citizenry of Intercourse, Pennsylvania: For too long you've been the cheeky buttock of an unfortunate joke that has outlived its welcome. ‘Twould seem there is no beginning nor end to the indignities and entendres you suffer. To wit: 1) When tasked with defining "Intercourse," Daniel Webster himself — or possibly Noah — could not do so without inclusion of the term “genitalia.” 2) The 1980’s Mennonite police procedural “Witness,” filmed in bloody Intercourse, makes no mention of the town, so as not to foretell sexual congress between big-boned actress Kelly McGillis and sturdy-jawed detective John Book. 3) In more recent times, U.S. presidential dopefuls steer clear of your city limits, saving themselves the embarrassment of “entering Intercourse” as they spread their negligible charm, empty promises and jellied pompadours on the campaign trail in the eastern colonies. Enough! Your protestations that “Intercourse means Fellowship” have done nothing to dissuade legions of French-kissing tourists from snapping Polaroid Instagramatic photos beside the signs posted at village proper, or neighbouring arsewipes like the one pictured here from tee-heeing your name onto a poorly designed tee-shirt. ‘Tis time for the citizenry to rectify that which conflicts with the sanctity of your spirit. I beseech the good and Godly Intercoursarians to rewrite history! Gather with paint cans and brushes at the ready to crudely spell out your beliefs on the signage about the town: No-Intercourse-Outside-the-Bondage-of-Holy-Matrimony, Pennsylvania!