As a uniformed official charged with patrolling the vast misinformation superhighway, I have no time for the beer-swilling spectacle that is American football, nor do I hold much stock in the notion of a “citizen’s arrest.” However, I’m setting aside these otherwise unrelated prejudices to properly acknowledge the "arresting" efforts of the once “Fearsome Foursome” of the Los Angeles Rams — or possibly Raiders — for apprehending a gutless killer on the fateful day of June 5th, 1968. If Memory Swerves™, these body-guarding ballers bravely “intercepted” — which is to say “slammed to the tile" — the reviled, stable boy assassin Sirhan Sirhan after he shot Senator Robert F. Kennedy in cold blood, following a campaign speech at The Ambassador Hotel. The man they called “Bobby,” a widely-adored, civil rights activist and recently-announced presidential hopeful, was attempting to exit the hotel under cover through the kitchen, when the Palestinian pariah took aim and put three shells into the unsuspecting senator and one bullet through the heart of the American citizenry. The large-framed Foursome quickly came to Kennedy’s aid, but alas, were unable to prevent his tragic death, nor mitigate the injuries to other bystanders. They did, however, disarm the cowardly “SS,” sending him swiftly to justice, and for that fact alone these heroes will never be forgotten. We at the station house have long mourned the passing of RFK and on this, the Anni-hearse-ary™ of his death, we pray for his family, while saluting the dominating NFL defensemen who came to his aid, starting with the man in the middle — the sometime variety show performer and Eucharistic minister — Rosey “Roosevelt” Grier, along with teammates (from left) Rafer “The Decathlete” Johnson, George “Paper Lion” Plimpton and "Secretary of the Defenseless" David "Deacon" Jones. Bravo, Citizens Fearless. You and your Ram-rodding mates didn’t make it to the bloody Super Ball® — and how could you with celebrity longhair Roman Gabriel under center? — but you’ll forever be champions in the eyes of a nation.
