Put Up Your Duchesses

Stop The World (Wide Web), I Want Them To Get Off™: The vast and vile legion of trollers, squabblers and online lynch mobberers on either side of the political or religulous spectrum is Dooley Directed™ to head for the earthly exits and depart post haste, which is to say, die immediately if not soonerer. Honest to non-denominational God, I cannot bloody bear to read another illogical, grammatically-challenged diatribe about white privilege or red ballcaps or black licorice or all the rest of it. The sad and sorry keyboard wars waged and fake blood spilled in the commentary sections under every news or opinion piece blowin' 'long the Arnold "Albert" Gore Memorial Misinformation Superhighway® makes one long for the days when men — and women, judging from the delightful, teeth-baring tussle pictured here — settled their differences bare-knuckled and brawling. "You had yer' filthy way with my ex? Prepare to die, swine!" WHACK! "You said what about my dear mum? I'll tear ya' limb from limb, maggot!" THWACK! "Gimme back my Paddington tweed shoulder bag, slut! Fuck off, whore!" WHAM! BAM! Jolly good showing! Methinks a boot to the belly, a roundhouse to the noggin, a stunner to the ballsack or a clawing about the eyeballs is preferable to the endless, ineloquent battle of twits I suffer every day in my digital patrols. What's that, you say? You take issue with my way of thinking? Meet me outside the station house and let's settle this properly. With fisticuffs flyin'!