Two for the Road

Random "Tandem" Memorandum™: Given the rank and tenure of our Internet policing assignment, we can safely say that our years as a uniformed foot soldier are well behind us. We remember those halcyon-der days fondly, however, and hold our earthly-bound, badge-carrying brethren in the highest esteem. Indeed, methinks there no pursuit more noble than one of a street-patrolling capacity, and no vehicle better suited for traversing the many roadsides than a bi-seated bicycle—a properly-appointed, police-issued cruiser with rubber-coated pedal blocks, handlebar streamers, chiming bell, white-walled wheels and wire basket for policing essentials. To be sure, one meets twists and turns requiring keen navigational skills and hills that demand you and your partner lean in and give it all you’ve bloody well got. There are bumps aplenty, loosely strewn refuse, discarded prophylactics and freshly slaughtered roadkill that necessitate a tightening of one's grip. But when you find yourselves sailing along, hunting the lawless with a gust at your backsides, the weight of your dutybound tasks are lifted, leaving only the joy of looking sweet, on a policeman's beat, 'board a bicycle built for two.