Remembering Sandy

If Memory Swerves™, ‘twas on this day in history, October 30th, 2012, that Hurricane Sandy lit into the Jersey Shore like shite-faced, torpedo-chested Jersey Girl Snooki Palooki into muscle-bounded meathead Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. 'Twas the tail end of a whirlwind tour of destruction, sadly, for three days prior to visiting her wrath ‘pon Atlantis City, Sandy swayed vigorously to and fro — like a private dancer in the back room at Antonio Soprano’s Bada Bing Bang Boom® night club — wreaking havoc in Jamaica, Cuba and the Port of Rico Suave™, before heading in for last call, doing her dirty business inland, as 'twere. The damage stateside was immense — $70 billion — enough to give Jersey cowish mayor Chris Christie pause at the Golden Corral® all-you-can-stumoch buffet — and that doesn't take into account the damage to Jamaica — $100 milion — the Bahamas — $700 million — and Cuba — $70 billion—the lives lost, nor depth of hurt feelings suffered by fans and family of television’s original Sandy, “Funny Face” Sandy Duncan (pictured). The brazen, lone-monikered association of the superstorm’s savagery with the sparkly — if glassy — eyed cheerfulness of the lovable, Ms. Duncan was beyond the pale, freckled face indeed. Happily, time and charity heals all, as I have it on some authority that life in the above locales has returned to normalcy; better still, the social media scamps at Dunkin’ Doughnuts® are marking the memory of this tragic time — and their love for Sandy Duncan herself — with their "Remembering Sandy" promotion: Receive an autographed photograph of the impish, heartbreaking, scene-stealer and a free olden-fashioned doughnut with every purchase of the customary nutty brew, with all proceeds benefiting whomever it is would benefit from it most — the bloody doughnut makers themselves, for all I know.