Copping a feel

Random Memorandum™ to the half-clad cavalcade of coitally-inclined police officers, firefighters, flight attendants, schoolteachers, secretaries, sailor boys, nurses, French maids, meter maids, bunny rabbits, cowboys, injuns, vampires, witches, nuns and priests taking to the streets with morals abandoned on this Eve of All Shallow: ‘Tis all drunken fun and games 'til someone gets buggerered in the wrong hole. We caution you to role play with care lest your misdeeds shame and haunt you 'til next year, when you slut it up and do it again. On a more personal note, the station house asks the legion of costumed constabulary to be respectful of legitimate peacekeeping officials as you parade the streets in your tawdry ensembles and be mindful that handcuffs are lawful restraining devices whose usefulness extends beyond the shackling of a drunken stranger to the bedpost. Obliging givers and takers enamored with these phony-baloney badge carriers are warned that no matter how scant and revealing a plasticine uniform, there is ample cover for deceit; a mirror-shaded—not to mention face-masked—copper with his or her hands down your trousers or leather leggings has an eye on your wallet, not to mention your decency. Easy does it out there, Citizens of Sodom. Happy Whore-a-Ween™!