The man they called “Mr. Coffee,” restaurateur Giuseppe “Joe”
DiMaggiano died on this day, March 8, 1999. Born in 1914, the son of
“Eye-talian” immigrants, DiMaggiano was a native New Yorker whose father
operated the popular “Yankee Clipper” barbershop in Little Italy. Young Joe
spent his after-school hours at the shop, sweeping up head and nostril hair
clippings and flipping through nudie mags, but alas, he didn’t acquire his
father’s affinity for shears and such, preferring the minestrone ladle in his mum’s
kitchen. Mother and son began concocting recipes that became the basis for
their DiMaggiano’s casual dining menu, sold from a storefront lunch counter
below the family's second floor walk-up. After his foray into minor league
baseball fizzled, DiMaggiano dedicated himself to the restaurant, expanding and
franchising the renamed Maggiano’s Little Italy®, where he enjoyed goodly
success serving family-sized portions of traditional fare, which is to say,
red-sauced slop, along with his signature “Joltin’ Joe” percolated coffee.
Hippy dippy folksinger Bob Dylan is said to have penned the lyrics to “One More
Cup of Coffee (For the Road)” on a DiMaggiano napkin and 'twas here that Joe
got the notion that if folks could brew their own bloody coffee at home, they
wouldn't suckle bottomless cups of his brew, whilst weaseling another basket of
free bread. He commissioned the engineers responsible for the famed “Turbo
Encabulator®” to design a device that used gravity to pull water through a
heating section and then dripped hot water over his Starbuck's™ coffee grounds
into a carafe below. He named the system “Mr. Coffee” and, just like that, the
failed baseballer had finally hit a “home run.” His line of Mr. Coffee®
machines produced a remarkably flavorful cup of "Joe" and he soon
found himself to be somewhat of a celebrity, squiring pin-ups and actresses
like Lee Meriwether, Olivia deHavilland, Marlene Dietrich and probably Rita
Moreno. But ‘twas Arthur Miller’s ex-bird Norma Jean Desmond to whom he really
took a fancy and they eventually married and enjoyed, one hopes, a long,
caffeine-fueled life together. Joe would go on to create a succession of
products bearing “his name,” including a Mr. Coffee Juicer, Mr. Coffee
Breadmaker and Mr. Coffee Erectile Enhancer. He later sold his coffee empire to
a young Howard Schultz who has himself enjoyed some success with the
trademarks. We raise a cup of “Joe” in memory of “Joltin’ Joe” DiMaggiano on
this day. Happy Anni-hearse-ary™, Citizen Brewmaster.Tuesday, March 8
Brew Ha-Ha
The man they called “Mr. Coffee,” restaurateur Giuseppe “Joe”
DiMaggiano died on this day, March 8, 1999. Born in 1914, the son of
“Eye-talian” immigrants, DiMaggiano was a native New Yorker whose father
operated the popular “Yankee Clipper” barbershop in Little Italy. Young Joe
spent his after-school hours at the shop, sweeping up head and nostril hair
clippings and flipping through nudie mags, but alas, he didn’t acquire his
father’s affinity for shears and such, preferring the minestrone ladle in his mum’s
kitchen. Mother and son began concocting recipes that became the basis for
their DiMaggiano’s casual dining menu, sold from a storefront lunch counter
below the family's second floor walk-up. After his foray into minor league
baseball fizzled, DiMaggiano dedicated himself to the restaurant, expanding and
franchising the renamed Maggiano’s Little Italy®, where he enjoyed goodly
success serving family-sized portions of traditional fare, which is to say,
red-sauced slop, along with his signature “Joltin’ Joe” percolated coffee.
Hippy dippy folksinger Bob Dylan is said to have penned the lyrics to “One More
Cup of Coffee (For the Road)” on a DiMaggiano napkin and 'twas here that Joe
got the notion that if folks could brew their own bloody coffee at home, they
wouldn't suckle bottomless cups of his brew, whilst weaseling another basket of
free bread. He commissioned the engineers responsible for the famed “Turbo
Encabulator®” to design a device that used gravity to pull water through a
heating section and then dripped hot water over his Starbuck's™ coffee grounds
into a carafe below. He named the system “Mr. Coffee” and, just like that, the
failed baseballer had finally hit a “home run.” His line of Mr. Coffee®
machines produced a remarkably flavorful cup of "Joe" and he soon
found himself to be somewhat of a celebrity, squiring pin-ups and actresses
like Lee Meriwether, Olivia deHavilland, Marlene Dietrich and probably Rita
Moreno. But ‘twas Arthur Miller’s ex-bird Norma Jean Desmond to whom he really
took a fancy and they eventually married and enjoyed, one hopes, a long,
caffeine-fueled life together. Joe would go on to create a succession of
products bearing “his name,” including a Mr. Coffee Juicer, Mr. Coffee
Breadmaker and Mr. Coffee Erectile Enhancer. He later sold his coffee empire to
a young Howard Schultz who has himself enjoyed some success with the
trademarks. We raise a cup of “Joe” in memory of “Joltin’ Joe” DiMaggiano on
this day. Happy Anni-hearse-ary™, Citizen Brewmaster.