These Snyder's of Hanover Pretzels are making Dee Snyder of Hanover thirsty
Curlicued, hair-metal hermaphrodite and pretzel-making scion Derwood “Dee” Snyder of Hanover® is celebrating a birthday today. Born March 16, 1955 in a proper pretzel-making borough of Pennsylvania, the perennially peroxidized golden-throat was hair-raised in the Episcopal faith, getting his first taste of singing in the church choir with his mother, whilst his Jewish father stayed home and made the bloody Snyder's of Hanover® pretzels. Though he showed promise in the art of dough looping, young Dee would turn his tramp-stamped backside on the family business, taking his lipsticked visage and coiled mane to the top of the rock 'n roll charts with salty snack-inspired odes such as, “We’re Not Gonna Bake It Anymore (Unless We Get The Gluten Levels Down to a Digestible Level)” and “I Wanna Rock (Your World With These Rock Hard Mustard 'n Onion Pretzel Pieces).” One assumes that Snyder and his band of face-painted, cock-knocking sidekicks in "Twisted Sister™" — originally "The Pretzel Twists" — had other numbers in their repertoire, but two songs (and accompanying videos featuring that unfortunate, jarheaded gent from "Animal House") were all you needed to earn a spot on the floating vomitorium that was the MTV® tour bus. The Twisted Mister Snyder of Hanover® memorably went to bat for the music industry in the 80’s, taking his ballbuster jeans and Velveteen™ vest to Washington D.C. to challenge Tipper Gore in a stare down over the state of lyrical content, but she melted under his Adonis gaze and surrendered, allowing hair metallions to continue to torment the parents of young listeners with infantile odes to pubescent sex and mythical demons who could "F*ck Like Beast." The birthday boy went on to form lesser-known bands such as Widowmaker, and tried his hand at an unintentionally hilarious horror movie, before a career in radio came a-calling. He and his costume designer wife Suzette have been married, remarkably, since 1981 and have foisted a brood of odd and oddly-named pretzel nibblers into the world — Jesse Blaze, Shane Royal, Cody Blue and Cheyenee Jean — and one imagines they’ll sit ‘round a pentagram on the patio tonight, crunching away on a family size bag of Sourdough Something Or Others™, comparing skin ink whilst their devilish dad blows out the candles on his devil’s food cake. Bless them.
Curlicued, hair-metal hermaphrodite and pretzel-making scion Derwood “Dee” Snyder of Hanover® is celebrating a birthday today. Born March 16, 1955 in a proper pretzel-making borough of Pennsylvania, the perennially peroxidized golden-throat was hair-raised in the Episcopal faith, getting his first taste of singing in the church choir with his mother, whilst his Jewish father stayed home and made the bloody Snyder's of Hanover® pretzels. Though he showed promise in the art of dough looping, young Dee would turn his tramp-stamped backside on the family business, taking his lipsticked visage and coiled mane to the top of the rock 'n roll charts with salty snack-inspired odes such as, “We’re Not Gonna Bake It Anymore (Unless We Get The Gluten Levels Down to a Digestible Level)” and “I Wanna Rock (Your World With These Rock Hard Mustard 'n Onion Pretzel Pieces).” One assumes that Snyder and his band of face-painted, cock-knocking sidekicks in "Twisted Sister™" — originally "The Pretzel Twists" — had other numbers in their repertoire, but two songs (and accompanying videos featuring that unfortunate, jarheaded gent from "Animal House") were all you needed to earn a spot on the floating vomitorium that was the MTV® tour bus. The Twisted Mister Snyder of Hanover® memorably went to bat for the music industry in the 80’s, taking his ballbuster jeans and Velveteen™ vest to Washington D.C. to challenge Tipper Gore in a stare down over the state of lyrical content, but she melted under his Adonis gaze and surrendered, allowing hair metallions to continue to torment the parents of young listeners with infantile odes to pubescent sex and mythical demons who could "F*ck Like Beast." The birthday boy went on to form lesser-known bands such as Widowmaker, and tried his hand at an unintentionally hilarious horror movie, before a career in radio came a-calling. He and his costume designer wife Suzette have been married, remarkably, since 1981 and have foisted a brood of odd and oddly-named pretzel nibblers into the world — Jesse Blaze, Shane Royal, Cody Blue and Cheyenee Jean — and one imagines they’ll sit ‘round a pentagram on the patio tonight, crunching away on a family size bag of Sourdough Something Or Others™, comparing skin ink whilst their devilish dad blows out the candles on his devil’s food cake. Bless them.