Hair Brained and White Robed
Random Memorandum™ to fluffy-white-robed Australian shampoolier Tom Redmond: Bravo, Citizen Latherist™! Your distinctive “branding campaign” for the Aussie® product line is the envy of the bubble industry! I dare say that if one were to corral a roomful of fashion-plated advertising nitwits for an afternoon of brainstorming and blowing smoke up one another’s arses, the lot of them couldn’t have concocted anything approaching the singular brilliance of your terry-clothed family portraitures. 'Tis a fascinating display and I never tire of looking down the row of white and white-ish faces and try to imagine who are your progeny and who was was pairing up with whom, climbing aboard to beget the next generation. 'Tis good — clean — fun! Of course, creative marketing is just the icing on the sheet cake of your “suds-ational” success story. Back in the day, while other shampoo cookers like Messrs. Proctor & Gamble were content to melt down horses to make mainstream hair care products like Prell®, Pert® and Head, Shoulders, Small Of Back And Buttocks™, ‘twas you who had real “horse sense,” finding ways to make shampoo that didn’t use animal oils, but rather natural, indigenous ingredients such as blue gum leaves, jojoba seed oil and something called "Australian Quandong" — which is not panda penis, no matter what it sounds like — bringing a whole new level of clean to those who care about such matters. Mind you, your cleanliness-is-next-to-godliness image came into question upon discovering in my weekend Twitternet® patrols that you had been found guilty in 2011 of spreading the herpes simplex virus to a ladybird who was not your bloody missus, but I am scrubbing that part of the story from my mind's eye and am content to focus on the picture here: You and the family in rich, if modest, bathroom attire, terry-clothed head-to-toe! Brilliantine™! Your approach is convincingly clean-scrubbed and I count myself among your legion of fans! Indeed, this morning there is a perceptible spring in my step thanks to a good, long lather, a vigorous scrubbing of the descenders and a dollop on the noggin of the only hair conditioner on Mother Earth worth a bloody damn: Aussie® brand! Aces, sir!
