Poseur Exposed

Random Memorial Day Memorandum™ to one-time celebrity jailbird and some-time rock ‘n roll front man Scott Weiland: ‘Tis not the uniform that makes the enlisted man, but the actions of the man — or woman — inside it. Foot soldiers, airmen, midshipmen, coast guard and, yes, constabulary wage different battles, but we serve the citizenry all the same. Ours is a uniformed alliance whose bonds of duty and honor are undeniable and unshakeable. You, however, wear the uniform for sport or costume. The red leather necktie, the vinyl trousers with visible male business in front, the loop-dee-loop earnings — all of it reveals fakery at forty paces. You are well-advised to remove the phony baloney cap and military regalia at once! Writhe around on stage shirtless or wrapped in bloody velveteen, for all I care. Strut and squawk like a turkey bird, but not in an unauthorized uniform! Not on a day dedicated to your nation’s elite fighting forces! Not on my watch! (Administrators Note: We're being told that, sadly, Private First Class Weiland took permanent leave on December 3, 2015 at the too-young age of 48. No word whether Weiland was given an officer's burial, but the station house set our flags to half-mast in his honour. RIP, Citizen Not A Soldier.)