Disregarding Henry

If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in history — May 4th, 1536 — that Anne Boleyn — second of The Six Wives of over-dressed, over-stuffed lady-killer King Henry VIII — was committed to the Tower of London, accused of adultery, incest, treason, witchcraft, possession of a controlled substance, unlawful detonation of fireworks, driving on an expired license, receiving stolen merchandise (turntable and speakers), harboring a one-armed fugitive, flashing gang signalry, catfighting, illegal dumping, disturbing the peace, loitering, gossiping, arson, truancy, excessive flatulence in an enclosed space (phone booth), expectorating on a public crosswalk, unlawful use of a tour guide's microphone on a double decker bus line, carrying a loaded weapon (poison-tipped arrow), impersonating the curiously stone-faced-but-oddly-alluring actress Charlotte Rampling, failure to produce a son for the King and, most egregiously, double couponing on a non-double coupon market day. Alas, Boleyn was executed just 17 days after settling into the Tower and carefully arranging her knickknacks, doilies and tea settings in her cramped but adequate living space. More recently, in a fate worse than death, Boleyn was portrayed by the large-featured, largely-unlikeable American actor-ess Jenna Elfman — Greg from Dharma & Greg — in the direct to BluRay romcom, “The Six or Seven Wives of King Henry LeFay.” ‘Tis our opinion that if Anne had survived her marriage and lived to rent this video from a nearby RedBox™, she would've begged for her own beheading.