The F*ck You Looking At?

Halt! Hold it right there, cold-eyed young e-Citizen Defiant™! While I am not unsympathetic to the discomfort you're experiencing at both the southern and northern ports of the gastrointestinal canal, I cannot allow you to display such visible contempt for a uniformed police official in plain sight! On my watch, you are well advised to conduct yourself with proper baby child cheerfulness in your interactions with all elders — frightful aunties, drunken uncles and helmeted, mustachioed peacekeepers — messy toileting business notwithstanding! Turn that bloody frown upside down, young man or mannish young lady, and commence to cooing playfully, kicking your fatty legs and waving your stumpy fingers with enthusiasm, and take some comfort in knowing you'll be having a pleasant go at mummy’s bosom soon enough.