Jesus H. Christ

If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in history — March 22,1948 — that the foremost authority on the abbreviated life and times of one Jesus H. Christ — musical biographer Andrew Floyd Webber — was born in Kensington. Webber began his churchly career as a choir castrato, shattering stained glass windows like so many Chris Martins of his day, before turning to writing and composing. Several of his trademark musical offerings have spun the heads of the fancy-pantsers in London’s West End, including the stories of Evita "Madonna" Ciccone, Morris the Cat, the Phantom of the Opera and the aforementioned tale of Mr. Christ. While the “Holy” Bible — a.k.a., the Koran — is considered to be the definitive source of all things Galilean, Webber's "Jesus H. Christ Superstar" was notable for its controversial depiction of Jesus as a guitar-playing minstrel who partook of carnal pleasures with local strumpet Mary Margaret Magdalene. In courtroom proceedings, Magdalene claimed that she "did not know how to love him, what to do, how to move him” but Magdalene’s father, prosecuting attorney Pontius Pilate, proved otherwise. As evidenced by the crown of thorns atop his flowing mane, Mr. Christ paid a heavy fine for his misdeeds. One wonders how Webber was able to bring this tale to stage without suffering the wrath of Christ’s vengeful father — Mr. God — but he threw caution to the wind, casting Deep Purple-hued heavy metal shrieker Ian Gillen in the lead role. Webber later dared to write a Utah-pian sequel of sorts to “Superstar" — “Jesus, Mary and Joseph (and the Amazing Technicolor-hued Dreamcoat)” — starring Donny Osmond, or possibly American Idol™ finalist Ace Young, in the role of Joseph Smith. A blessed, happy day to Andrew Floyd Webber, Citizen Superstar!