She Blinded Thee With Science
Today in Quantum Mechanics for Dumbbells®, we present — or rather misrepresent — Murphy’s Laws for String Theorists™. As with all previous constructs set forth by the eponymous, smarty-pant-suited news producer Murphy Browne, these "laws" are not legally blinding, but do offer essentially lawful — some would say awful — instruction worth noting: (1) At the very moment you solve a particularly confounding mathematical superstring calculation, the plumbing in your laboratory toilet tank will burst; (2) If your results are based on the work of other physicists — and one of those physicists enjoys a consulting role in the C.S.I. television franchise — your conclusions will prove erroneous; (3) Your most challenging string theorem will be valid in only two spatial dimensions (and one seaside Airbnb® rental property currently undergoing renovation); (D) If you unearth a previously undiscovered string model, it will predict at least one low-energy observable particle not found in nature outside a flavor boost marquee at a California Jamba Juice®; (5) When conducting a string seminar, no one will follow a thing you say after the first minute, excepting one masturbating know-it-all who'll point out a flaw in your reasoning halfway through your lecture. In conclusion, anything in string theory that can go wrong, bloody well will. *Note: We are obliged for the input of plucky, ginger-haired Cambridge physicist Joanne Hewett (pictured) who assisted with the quautumnal mechanicary detailed here.
Today in Quantum Mechanics for Dumbbells®, we present — or rather misrepresent — Murphy’s Laws for String Theorists™. As with all previous constructs set forth by the eponymous, smarty-pant-suited news producer Murphy Browne, these "laws" are not legally blinding, but do offer essentially lawful — some would say awful — instruction worth noting: (1) At the very moment you solve a particularly confounding mathematical superstring calculation, the plumbing in your laboratory toilet tank will burst; (2) If your results are based on the work of other physicists — and one of those physicists enjoys a consulting role in the C.S.I. television franchise — your conclusions will prove erroneous; (3) Your most challenging string theorem will be valid in only two spatial dimensions (and one seaside Airbnb® rental property currently undergoing renovation); (D) If you unearth a previously undiscovered string model, it will predict at least one low-energy observable particle not found in nature outside a flavor boost marquee at a California Jamba Juice®; (5) When conducting a string seminar, no one will follow a thing you say after the first minute, excepting one masturbating know-it-all who'll point out a flaw in your reasoning halfway through your lecture. In conclusion, anything in string theory that can go wrong, bloody well will. *Note: We are obliged for the input of plucky, ginger-haired Cambridge physicist Joanne Hewett (pictured) who assisted with the quautumnal mechanicary detailed here.