As I Understand It™, 'twas on this day in history (March 23, 2013), that 8-year-old Sanele Masilela tied the knot with a South African woman 53 years his elder. No mention what kind of knot, as I can’t imagine Master Masilela possessing the skillsets necessary to tie his bloody shoelaces, let alone a proper Windsor® necktie. Mind you, I’ve got nothing but mad respect for the silver-suited Sanele, a good-looking lad who’s got more game at 8 than the average Twitternet™ arsewipe does at 20. When you got game, you bloody well do what needs doing, even if it means marrying someone half a century older than you, her husband and four children be damned. You’re a playa' and there will be no playa' hatin', nor trash talkin’, in a traditional Tshwane wedding! For her part, 61-year-old bride Helen Shabangum says she’s happy with the arrangement, a pre-ordained, ceremonial one along the lines of mullet-headed construction hotshot Larry Fortensky marrying Elizabeth Taylor or Rock Hudson taking secretary Phyllis Gates to be his bribe. Shabangum claims that her husband and grown children are accepting of the public nuptials, as they have been assured there will be no knockin' of the marital boots with young Sanele. If you’re wondering how such a union could happen in this enlightened age of "Teen Mom" and/or "Bridalplasty," I’m told the wedding was arranged and decreed by Sanele's dead relatives, which goes to show what can happen if you listen to your bloody relations, living or deceased.
