Lady, When You're With Me I'm Smiling, All The Whiling

Halt! Hold it right there! If you’ve come here looking for topless photos of our beloved Duchess of Middleton — Lady Kate — you can bloody well bugger off! Go on! Get your slobbering jollies off elsewhere — a French magazine shop would be a good start — as I will not be a party to this naughty business in any way, shape or form, no matter how appealing the form of this royal beauty and young mum 40-some years my junior — slender and shapely, endowed but not overly so, modest yet hardly prim, her knee-high riding boots inching towards her supple, exposed thighs, the curve of her hips and arch of her back so exquisite, her jawline, sharp yet gentle, her fulsome lips and apple blossom cheeks aglow, her eyes the windows to her bedroom, if not her soul. No, I will not be a party to any of this tawdry talk! And if you elect to do your civic duty and direct this Internet Patrolman (IP) to a website that has captured the comely Kate in a private moment half-dressed on the rooftop of her villa, and if there is video footage in addition to the still photography that you'd have me inspect, I will do so as it is in my purview and if I get my hands on the paparazzo responsible for this indecency and he consents to turn over the photos to me for further inspection — with my promise of immunity — I will do so in the service of Lady Kate and husband Prince Harry or William or Albert in a bloody tin can.