Clair, Bared

Random Memorandum™ to the shame of Waterford, Ireland, serenading, if not masquerading, 70's songbird Gilbert "Gottfried" O'Sullivan: All the years we've been snapping our fingers and breezily shuffling 'long to what one assumed was a loving, lighthearted ode to a galfriend named “Clair,” only to discover you were serenading your manager’s preschool daughter? Have you — and Communist Senator Joseph McCarthy — no sense of indecency, sir?! What in bloody blue denim blazers was a soft pop dandy doing babysitting a young lass to begin with? Shouldn't you have been sitting in the lap of one of your velvet-panted music mates, admiring one another's neck scarves and puffing on a marijuana stick? Your wicked ruse would have gone undetected if not for an enterprising filmmaker who unearthed the startling 35mm footage — video link below — of you chasing the unknowing youngster 'round the mulberry bushes, bouncing up and down on the trampoline, twirling her 'round, bloomers to the sky, the creepy goings-on all set to your vile, suggestive hymn. 'Tis all innocent fun, you say, sugar and spice and all things nice? Bollocks. I've been around the block, sonny boy toy, and you are one towel snap away from Sandusky, Ohio. A marbled statue of limitation for your prurient misdeeds may keep you from the law’s grasp on terra firma, but here in the digital realm, you stand accused, tried and convicted. If we get our mitts on you, expect to spend ample time in the station house lockup. Alone again, naturally. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU9fClvdo5s