Halt! Hold it right there, e-Citizens of Sumo™! I don’t give a tinsmith's damn how informed your interpretation of the Shinto is, I know of no recognized martial Oyakata who would permit this brazen display of swordsmanship in the Dohyō and I will not have it on my watch! I’ll thank you to drop the weaponry and cover the islands of flesh about your glandular extremities, lose the giantine blue denim, don a proper Mawashi and endeavor to conduct yourselves like respectful Rikishi or — as Guantanamo Buddha® is my witness — I'll bloody well put a patrolman's boot up your Buttswanas™. Go now!
