As I Understand It™, 'twas on this day in wrasslin' history — August 22, 1965 — that Maurcie “Mad Dog” Vachon — the most feared
man and/or canine in all the land — was defeated by Reginald “The Crusher” Lisowski
in a "televised" match in St. Paul, Minnesota or possibly Canada, not
that you can tell the bloody difference. Vachon, a former Olympian from the
aforementioned Canuckistan® — which may as well be Greenland or bloody Siberia — was a beloved figure skater in his native, iced land until an incident with a
rabid Bichon Frise turned him into a crazed, pile-driving animal who held the
NWA — National Wrasslin’ Association or Niggaz With Attitude™, according to
Wikipedia™, which may or may not be part of the Encyclopedia Brittanica® — in his
iron grip for many years. The Crusher, a beer guzzler from the bacon-producing
town of Patrick Cudahy™ — which may or may not be part of Milwaukee — was a giant
of a man, standing some six feet above the ground and possessing 100 megaton
biceps with which he snapped the turkey necks of many an opponent, referee or ringside fan who got caught up in the shenanigans. Forty-nine years ago on this day, the Crusher surprised Mad Dog with a number of devilish new moves, including the Eye Gouge, the Nipple Twist, the Rib Tickle, the Belly Thwack and the
Nad Smash™, disorienting the Mad Dog, who got caught up in his chains and chest
hair, collapsed in a heap on the canvas and was later hauled off to the
pound to be euthanized.
