Put Up Your Dukes

If Memory Swerves™, ‘twas on this day in history — September 17, 1963 — that “The Patty Duke Show” debuted in all its capri-panted glory. Based on the real life adventures of identical cross-continental cousins Patty Lane and Catherine Lane — and starring identical intra-continental sisters Patty Duke and Cathy Duke — the show was a hit on both sides of the pond, especially among young lads smitten with the winsome, bob-haired charmers. Some took a shine to the worldly Catherine (pictured right) who’d lived most everywhere — from Zanzibar to bloody Barclay Square — whilst others fancied Patty (pictured left), the free-spirited one, who’d only seen the sights a gal can see from Brooklyn Heights. What a crazy pair they were! Matching bookends, different as night and day! Graceful Catherine adored a minuet, the legendary Parisian Ballet Russes and the sinful delights of flaming crepe suzette, whilst Patty loved to rock and roll! A linked hot dog made her lose control! What a wild duet, indeed! They laughed alike, they walked alike, at times they even talked alike, as though they were the same person, mirrored by some sort of “split screen” that wasn’t yet invented by George Lucas. Well, I’m happy to report that the Dukes of Hazardous Wiles are back, completing each others' sentences, swapping reading glasses and joking about the sexual inadequacies of their late husbands. Yes, in a rollicking return to form, the 70-something Dukes are set to star in a webisodic series — directed by Happy Days' Donny Most — that promises to transport fans back fifty years. Call me mad, but I’m feeling a rush of youthful testes-terone at the thought of Patty shuffling down the staircase with a slight hitch, disably performing her spastic dance moves while Catherine smirks from a safe distance, both cuddly and comely as ever, whilst the laugh track roars. I'll arm wrestle you for either's attentions, Citizens! We may lose our minds, when cousins are forever two of a kind!