London Buildings Burning Down
If Memory Swerves™, ‘twas on this night in history—September 1, 1666—that the Great Fire of London was started, inadvertently, by a bearded, ink-skinned artisanal baker and when all was said and undone, four days later, the entirety of the medieval town was burnt to a crisp, with 80 per cent of the buildings consumed, including over 13,000 three flats and thatched country cottages, 87 "perish" churches, the Guilded Hall, the Royal Music Exchange and St. Paul Weller's Cathedral, not to mention every corner coffee shop, fish ‘n chip haunt and microbrewery pubhouse, all because some nitwitted Pudding Lane bohemian had a craving for a cheesy Bravissimo® pizza and left it in the oven all night after climbing into a Sleep Number® bed with Rose, the family's comely maidservant, doing his dirty business and nodding off. ‘Tis true, or true enough, as best we can gather; the errant gent's name was Thomas Farriner and he served King Charles the II or III, baking Wonder Bread® for the Royal Old Navy. As the story goeth, the two-timing buggerer escaped the fire, exiting through an upstairs Gilkey® replacement window with his family, whilst his slumbering mistress perished along with her illicit secrets in a bed set to her ideal comfort level. Now, some of the more conspiratorial minded e-citizenry might scroll 'round the Twitternet™ photo libraries and think—or tweet, exhaustively—"well lookee here, the Great Fire wasn’t so Great after all, as it didn’t take out Big Ben, Westminister Abbey, Buckingham Nicks Palace, nor that giantine glass Shard thingy," and that would be true, though those structures weren’t built for 'nother couple hundred years, thank you very kindly yer arses. In any case, the station house requests a moment of silence, as we remember—so to speaketh—the Great Fire of London, which, again, wasn’t so great if you owned a structure without proper, Progressive® brand property insurance. On a more pleasing, closing note, music fans will remember that hit-making R&B sensations from 'cross the pond, Earth, Wind, “Fire” & Other Random Elements In Nature, respectfully commemorated the tragedy with their song “September” in 1978. Baa-dee-yaa.
If Memory Swerves™, ‘twas on this night in history—September 1, 1666—that the Great Fire of London was started, inadvertently, by a bearded, ink-skinned artisanal baker and when all was said and undone, four days later, the entirety of the medieval town was burnt to a crisp, with 80 per cent of the buildings consumed, including over 13,000 three flats and thatched country cottages, 87 "perish" churches, the Guilded Hall, the Royal Music Exchange and St. Paul Weller's Cathedral, not to mention every corner coffee shop, fish ‘n chip haunt and microbrewery pubhouse, all because some nitwitted Pudding Lane bohemian had a craving for a cheesy Bravissimo® pizza and left it in the oven all night after climbing into a Sleep Number® bed with Rose, the family's comely maidservant, doing his dirty business and nodding off. ‘Tis true, or true enough, as best we can gather; the errant gent's name was Thomas Farriner and he served King Charles the II or III, baking Wonder Bread® for the Royal Old Navy. As the story goeth, the two-timing buggerer escaped the fire, exiting through an upstairs Gilkey® replacement window with his family, whilst his slumbering mistress perished along with her illicit secrets in a bed set to her ideal comfort level. Now, some of the more conspiratorial minded e-citizenry might scroll 'round the Twitternet™ photo libraries and think—or tweet, exhaustively—"well lookee here, the Great Fire wasn’t so Great after all, as it didn’t take out Big Ben, Westminister Abbey, Buckingham Nicks Palace, nor that giantine glass Shard thingy," and that would be true, though those structures weren’t built for 'nother couple hundred years, thank you very kindly yer arses. In any case, the station house requests a moment of silence, as we remember—so to speaketh—the Great Fire of London, which, again, wasn’t so great if you owned a structure without proper, Progressive® brand property insurance. On a more pleasing, closing note, music fans will remember that hit-making R&B sensations from 'cross the pond, Earth, Wind, “Fire” & Other Random Elements In Nature, respectfully commemorated the tragedy with their song “September” in 1978. Baa-dee-yaa.