Wayne's World

If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in history — a blustery September 28, 1959-ish — that Eddie "Wayne" Cochrane planted his "Last Kiss" on the open mouth of his Thomasville Furniture®, Georgia sweetheart Luanne Somebody. They were "out on a date in his daddy's car" when, according to John Legend, Eddie Wayne lost control of the vehicle whilst attempting to steer clear of a hotrod stalled in the roadway. When he awoke, rain was pouring down on his bloodied, but still bouffant, platinum blonde pompadour and sky blue leisure suit. There were people standing all around the wreckage, watching as he cradled Luanne, who smiled and said, "Hold me darlin' for a little while." Eddie Wayne obliged, holding her close and kissing her gingerly on her fulsome, if blueing lips, and that was the end of that tune. Or was it? Later that night on the porch swing with his gee-tar, Eddie Wayne cried aloud, "Where oh where can my baby be?" and was promptly slapped upside the head by his daddy, not out of malice — though he was upset about the condition of his vehicle, naturally — but in an effort to knock some sense into the soul-singin' Citizen Son of a Gun. He knew a hit song when he heard one, and so did Eddie Wayne, who took pencil and put his words to paper and proper chord structure and the rest is rock history. Today, Seattle grunge balladeer — grunge-a-deer™ — Jeremy "Eddie" Vedder croons Mr. Cochrane's words to stadiums full of swaying, pie-eyed hipsters and their bell-bottomed galfriends, who sing along not knowing Luanne's sad story. Buggerers, all.