Masters and Johnson and the Height of Ecstasy

Masters and bloody Johnson are at it again, asking the questions that good and decent citizenry haven't the nerve – nor the perv – to ask. Indeed, proper folks are content to inquire about one another’s weekend or the sandwich meat in their luncheon pails or their preferred brand of galoshes, whereas the sexual macademia nuts (pictured here) want to know the circumference of one’s male extension — the size of one's motorboat, if you will, and they did, as it relates to the motion of the ocean. Unfortunately, our station house rank & file fell for their line of deviant questioning hook, line and stinker, scoring 0 for 20 on a recent Twitternet® sex survey. Crikey. 'Twould appear that our deputy patrolling officials don’t known their duodendems from their arse ends and believe the Kama Sutra™ to be a brand of Greek yogurt. Embarrassing business, to be sure, ‘tis why Yours Truly Dooley® is fielding this next question: "Do Women Reach Their Sexual Peak in Their 30's?" Well, one doesn’t need a "Masters” degree in human sexualization to spot a trick question when one sees it. I'll wager that in one’s 30’s, a lady bird is only halfway up the mountain and 'tisn't 'til her late 60's or early 70's that her peak activity is reached. What's more, I have it on proper authority that after a brief respite for nourishment — cottage cheese — and stimulant — Ayds® brand chocolate chews — the sexual genome reloads itself and able-bodied lasses continue to climb, as it 'twere, remaining sexually vital — or "Randy" — as long as the body is warm. Before the blogosphere goes off half-cocked with false assumptions about a female’s desirings, let me proffer that ‘tis the male’s limpido which peaks at the earlier age — late teens — and that most adult males are content to settle themselves into a La-Z-Boy® rocker or onto a wobbly tavern stool, reaching their sexual peak between the fifth or sixth pint, but upon tipping number seven to their lips, they slide back down the slope with no hope of peaking until morning light.