Celebrating a Deathday™: Cracker Nation lost its Cracker-in-Chief on this day (January 16, 2012), when Mr. Dan Evins, founder of the Cracker Barrel Old Country Store®, passed away. He was 76. Cracker Barrel, I'm told, is quintessentially red, white & blue and the red-suspendered, white-skinned, blue-eyed Evins, bless him, was all that as well. The Ritz® brand cracker lover opened his first Cracker Barrel store in 1969 in the soda cracker white environs of Lebanon, Tennessee, the flakiest, crackerest state in all of America. Cracker Barrel took its name from the empty cracker barrels that country store patrons played checkers on whilst sitting on their Wrangler® cut-off trousered arses jawin' about the things crackers love most: the Andy Griffith Show, Hardley-Davison motorbikes, Moon Pies®, moonshine, farmers' daughters, biscuits 'n gravy, sodie pop, shotguns, shotgun weddings, shotgun dee-vorces, Friday Night Lights, Geoff Foxworthy, Keith Urban, Carrie Underwear, the Dallas Cowboys, the Nashville Predators, Family Fueled, Wheel of bloody Fortune® and theme park oddity Dolly Parton’s bosom. Evins is survived by 600 cracker-patroned locations and — presumably — a family of crackers who loved him. The station house is breaking out the Velveeta® and Nabisco® saltine crackers in Mr. Evins' honour. Happy Anni-hearse-ary™, Citizen Paleface.Sunday, January 16
Cracker Peril
Celebrating a Deathday™: Cracker Nation lost its Cracker-in-Chief on this day (January 16, 2012), when Mr. Dan Evins, founder of the Cracker Barrel Old Country Store®, passed away. He was 76. Cracker Barrel, I'm told, is quintessentially red, white & blue and the red-suspendered, white-skinned, blue-eyed Evins, bless him, was all that as well. The Ritz® brand cracker lover opened his first Cracker Barrel store in 1969 in the soda cracker white environs of Lebanon, Tennessee, the flakiest, crackerest state in all of America. Cracker Barrel took its name from the empty cracker barrels that country store patrons played checkers on whilst sitting on their Wrangler® cut-off trousered arses jawin' about the things crackers love most: the Andy Griffith Show, Hardley-Davison motorbikes, Moon Pies®, moonshine, farmers' daughters, biscuits 'n gravy, sodie pop, shotguns, shotgun weddings, shotgun dee-vorces, Friday Night Lights, Geoff Foxworthy, Keith Urban, Carrie Underwear, the Dallas Cowboys, the Nashville Predators, Family Fueled, Wheel of bloody Fortune® and theme park oddity Dolly Parton’s bosom. Evins is survived by 600 cracker-patroned locations and — presumably — a family of crackers who loved him. The station house is breaking out the Velveeta® and Nabisco® saltine crackers in Mr. Evins' honour. Happy Anni-hearse-ary™, Citizen Paleface.