The Gitar Army

There is no justice in celebrity, and if it surprises you to hear a lawman call justice into question, how else to explain the annual omission of Eastern Europe's Czerwonych Gitar from the rolls of the music world's Granny Awards™? Formed in Gdansk in 1965, Czerwonych Gitar — "Red Guitars" — were "rzecywisty przedmiot" — the real deal! — from the git go. With their rented red instruments, paisley-patterned guitar straps, turtlenecks and neckties, the pastry-faced mop toppers in the “Gitar Army” had the chops — lamb and pork — to earn them respect worldwide, with tuneful ditties that explored universal rock 'n roll themes of first love, fast cars and traditional, creamed culinary. If you were as lucky as a young Dooley Johns to have dated a zaftig Polish lass, you too would have put on a Czerwonych Gitar record and danced your fool head off in her cluttered flat under the watchful eye of a drunk uncle and mustachioed grandmum. The hip-swivelling work of Messrs. Zomerski, Zomerski, Dornowski, Klenczon, and Skrzypczyk remains praiseworthy in any language, yet however mightily the station house lobbies the Recording Academy® for their proper due, it appears a lifetime achievement award is not forthcoming. So bloody be it! As the old song goes, "To tylko rock n roll, ale lubię to, lubię to." (Yes, I do!) "Nie pozwól, żeby ci dranie cię zawalili, Czerwonych Gitar!"