Inaugurals Addressed

If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in history — January 19, 1937 — that Franklin Eleanor Roosevelt was inaugurated to a second or third term across the pond, or reflecting pool, as it were. A former governor of New York City or possibly State, and a close ally of the finest statesman in all of recorded history — Winston Churchill — Roosevelt is best remembered for kicking Nazi and Kamikaze arse around the block in WWI or II, for his progressive New Deal policies and for writing that infernal election hymnal, "Happy Days Are Here Again!" Stricken with polio as an adult, Roosevelt remarkably overcame his handicap — he was said to be capable of stopping his wheelchair "on a dime," the very coin his visage would later grace — and he is considered to be the last of the great American presidents. Indeed, Roosevelt gave his bloody life for the job, dying just months into his fourth or fifth term in office. His heralded tenure was followed by a string of unlikely standard bearers, including Truman, the high school graduate, Eisenhower, the highwayman, Kennedy, the ladies’ man, Lyndon "Bird" Johnson, the Texan, Richard N. Milhaus, the rubber-faced crook, Jiminy Carter, the lustful peanut farmer, Reagan, the bad actor, Bush, the church lady, Clinton, the dress stainer, W., the mission accomplisher, Obama, the islander and Trumpeteer, the celebrity realtor. All were inaugurated on this day — January 20th — and some even had the audacity to have their likeness chiseled — or possibly, PhotoChopped® — into the side of bloody Rushmore to make it official. But not Franklin Eleanor. Unlike more recent inaugural celebrations — which feature booty shaking pop stars, play-by-play from Brian Steve Crest and the aforementioned sculpturing — Roosevelt's inaugurals were family affairs, held on the White House lawn and featuring an egg toss, balloon animals, potato sack races and a simple lunch of hamspread sandwiches on Nancy Martin® white bread, Libby's® canned fruit cocktail and Otis Campbell's Tomato Soup®.