If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in history (January 8, 1815) that the least remembered war in history — the War of 1812® — ended in a draw. With no territorial changes awarded — other than some wonky trade resolutions and “agree to disagree” handshakes and/or whiskey pulls — everyone packed up their bloody tents and sailing vessels and — faster than you could tap out the overseas telegraph message "Bob's Yer' Uncle!" — headed home. ‘Twas the final conflict ever waged between the British Empire and the United States, and to a lesser degree Canada, who made quite the big deal of everything, as this was their opportunity to take a few swings at the nations who mocked their speech dialect. The War of 1812 was also the most ill-named war of all time, as the skirmish only started in 1812, later running through all of 1813 and 1814, before coming to a halt in 1815, fully 32 months later. There had been talk of calling it "The Second War for Independence", but sequels were considered to have less drawing power even then, so 1812 it was. The war was waged in three “theatres,” namely the southern U.S., the Canadian frontier and the Atlantic Ocean, but ‘tis interesting to note that no modern “theatres” or movie houses ever bother to depict the bloody thing, because, honestly, who’d show up? Not Yours Truly Dooley™! Give me a WWII retelling any day of the weekend — “Kelly Heroes” or “Tora, Tora, Tora” or even bloody “Rat Patrol,” starring business magnate Victor Newman of television’s "The Young & Aggressively Sexual" (pictured here), over the interminably slow-moving and confoundingly-named excuse for a war, which is to say The 32-Month War of 1812-1815™. I’d rather watch a Ken Burns pictorial about the Dust Wars, which involved American farmers battling dust clouds and/or tumbleweeds with O-Cedar® brooms, hand-woven carpets and God-fearing Christian resilience.Saturday, January 8
A War Of Words
If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in history (January 8, 1815) that the least remembered war in history — the War of 1812® — ended in a draw. With no territorial changes awarded — other than some wonky trade resolutions and “agree to disagree” handshakes and/or whiskey pulls — everyone packed up their bloody tents and sailing vessels and — faster than you could tap out the overseas telegraph message "Bob's Yer' Uncle!" — headed home. ‘Twas the final conflict ever waged between the British Empire and the United States, and to a lesser degree Canada, who made quite the big deal of everything, as this was their opportunity to take a few swings at the nations who mocked their speech dialect. The War of 1812 was also the most ill-named war of all time, as the skirmish only started in 1812, later running through all of 1813 and 1814, before coming to a halt in 1815, fully 32 months later. There had been talk of calling it "The Second War for Independence", but sequels were considered to have less drawing power even then, so 1812 it was. The war was waged in three “theatres,” namely the southern U.S., the Canadian frontier and the Atlantic Ocean, but ‘tis interesting to note that no modern “theatres” or movie houses ever bother to depict the bloody thing, because, honestly, who’d show up? Not Yours Truly Dooley™! Give me a WWII retelling any day of the weekend — “Kelly Heroes” or “Tora, Tora, Tora” or even bloody “Rat Patrol,” starring business magnate Victor Newman of television’s "The Young & Aggressively Sexual" (pictured here), over the interminably slow-moving and confoundingly-named excuse for a war, which is to say The 32-Month War of 1812-1815™. I’d rather watch a Ken Burns pictorial about the Dust Wars, which involved American farmers battling dust clouds and/or tumbleweeds with O-Cedar® brooms, hand-woven carpets and God-fearing Christian resilience.