As I Understand It™, today is Chinese New Year. 新年快樂! (That's "Happy Chinese New Year!" in sign language.) Though not technically a "Holy Day" — as Far-Flung Easterners don't bow to the "Chalked-Asian Jesus™" — 'tis a "holiday," nonetheless. Around the papier-mâché globe, Chinese New Year is celebrated with non-sanctioned street parades featuring fire-breathing dragons, authentic "Oriental" cooking from Panda Expressions® and palate-cleansing Misfortune Cookies™ with their cryptic promises of deceit, mayhem and promiscuity. We salute the citizenry of the People's Republic of Communist China and send a special shout-out to their most honourable lawman Charles "Foster" Chan. In the days before C.S.I., C.S.I. Miami and C.S.I. Kansas City (the Missouri Side™), there was no more capable crime solver than the mustachioed, soul-patched Chan — with the exception of one Oliver Wendell "Sherlock" Holmes Jr — and no sidekick more haplessly dutiful than his "Namba Won," that is "Number 1," Sonny Boy. On a personal note, let me add: 我们可, 吓了 很漂亮, Charlie. 哦吗 可以去啵, Mr. Chan. 吓哦 嘿, 哦嘿你 们可以, 我哇 我们! Mazel Tov, or rather Tsingtao®, Citizen Ragin' Asian™!Tuesday, January 25
Charles in Charge
As I Understand It™, today is Chinese New Year. 新年快樂! (That's "Happy Chinese New Year!" in sign language.) Though not technically a "Holy Day" — as Far-Flung Easterners don't bow to the "Chalked-Asian Jesus™" — 'tis a "holiday," nonetheless. Around the papier-mâché globe, Chinese New Year is celebrated with non-sanctioned street parades featuring fire-breathing dragons, authentic "Oriental" cooking from Panda Expressions® and palate-cleansing Misfortune Cookies™ with their cryptic promises of deceit, mayhem and promiscuity. We salute the citizenry of the People's Republic of Communist China and send a special shout-out to their most honourable lawman Charles "Foster" Chan. In the days before C.S.I., C.S.I. Miami and C.S.I. Kansas City (the Missouri Side™), there was no more capable crime solver than the mustachioed, soul-patched Chan — with the exception of one Oliver Wendell "Sherlock" Holmes Jr — and no sidekick more haplessly dutiful than his "Namba Won," that is "Number 1," Sonny Boy. On a personal note, let me add: 我们可, 吓了 很漂亮, Charlie. 哦吗 可以去啵, Mr. Chan. 吓哦 嘿, 哦嘿你 们可以, 我哇 我们! Mazel Tov, or rather Tsingtao®, Citizen Ragin' Asian™!