Choke-latier

Happy Anni-hearse-ary™ to murderous Milwaukee chocolatier Jeffrey Dahmer. A bone-a-fide member of the carving crew at the once-renowned Ambrosia Chocolate® factory on Carmen Avenue, Jeffrey spent his days surrounded by  chocolate — milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, chocolate truffles, chocolate-covered strawberries and pretzels, chocolate Easter bunnies and Santy Clauses — even those bloody cascading-chocolate fountains found in all-you-can-stumoch Golden Corral® restaurants — yet he dedicated his evenings to matters decidedly less tasteful. Though he enjoyed no formalized epicurean schooling, Dahmer was knowledgeable in the sculpting of chocolates and inventive in his art, yet never too busy not to offer assistance to a chocolate novitiate—or perhaps a ride home to share chocolate kisses or a six-pack of Milwaukee's Best® tall boy beers and a litre of Night Train®. Dahmer was well on his way to earning the title “master chocolatier” when Milwaukee police discovered an assemblage of skulls and severed human appendages in his flat at the Oxford Apartments. This event not only got him promptly booted out of the chocolatiers union, but sent off to prison, where the fudge packer was beaten to death with a broomstick handle on November 28, 1994. Nowadays, the sweet scent of bubbling chocolate still wafts over Milwaukee’s west side; however, ‘tis no longer the domain of Ambrosia Chocolate. The once-thriving, one-hundred-year concern's goodly name was sullied beyond repair thanks to their infamous former stablemate and the company was sold to a larger outfit, whose chocolate division — or rather, subtraction — is called ADM Cocoa. Presumably, the “D” does not stand for Dahmer.