Get 'Em While They're Hot!

If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in history — November 14, 1965 — that Kellogg’s Pop Tarts® were created. The flour-laden, fruit-dusted breakfast rectangulars were named after jarheaded youth football pioneer Glennon "Pops" Warner — who also inspired Kellogg's "Pop-sicle®" frozen confection and who always advised young ballers to bring sugary treats to games to keep their energy up during extended parent/referee skirmishes. Pop Tarts required no refrigeration and came pre-cooked in a special foil packaging that magically brought the tarts from room temp to piping hot upon opening. (If you don't believe me, I have the bloody scars on the roof of my mouth to prove it!) Originally available in Red Mango®, POM®egranate and Coastal Cabernet, Pop Tarts were an instant hit on both sides of the pond, as well as Australia for a time, until the Crocodile Dundee craze struck and people started saying, "that's not a knife, THAT'S A KNIFE" and stopped having anything to do with America and Pop Tarts altogether. Alas, in the 1990s, rumors began circulating on Arnold "Albert" Gore's nascent Twitternet™ that Pop Tarts were even tastier toasted, but consumers discovered otherwise, as Hamilton Beach® toasters were soon bursting into flames upon contact with the frosted coating. 'Twas good news for small appliance repairmen, but not Pop Tarts. Even though teams of lawyers for Kellogg's worked day and night before arriving at the disclaimer, "Don't toast your Tart," the damage was done and the brand was relegated to vending room status in favor of Krispy Kreme® donuts, which are delicious warm, and Toaster Strudel™ from Germany. In recent years, Pop Tarts have experienced something of a rebirth among "Baby Boomers" — which is to say, "Big Whiny Babies In Giant Bloomers" — thanks to a revivalist group of hip-shakers out of Cleveland, Ohio called, appropriately, The Pop Tarts. A few years out of their teens, this girl group is ready for their not-so-close-up! Luscious Lemon Tart Julie Matthews, Wild Blueberry Tart Laura Farrell, Very Cherry Tart Laurie Angie and Sweet Apple Tart Lisa Sommer are bringing goodly upper arm strength and their trademarked tartiness to pub crawls and church halls in the greater, so to speak, Cleveland area. Performing classic songs by such notable girlie bands as Fanny, Twisted Sister and Bonne Jovi, The Pop Tarts are said to be quite popular, as evidenced by a Facebook® page and Instagram accountings of the shows. Brilliantine, m'dears! Pass the flattened jammy treats and let's get this party tarted!