All Souls, Including David

As I Underhand It™, today is All Souls' Day — a “Holy Day of Obfuscation" according to the Pentacostalwhites — a day that Dooley Obligates™ one to attend churchly service to pray for their amoral soul or something. No mention whether that includes sandy-haired, singing detective David “Starsky or Hutch” Soul, but surely he could benefit from a congregation of supernaturalists speaking in tongues on his behalf. We haven’t seen nor heard much from this 70’s songbird since he was arrested for spousal abuse back in the days before abusers could register their apology and be forgiven in a series of tweets over a round of cocktails at the hotel bar. One imagines that his fall from grace was payback for his transistor radio tune that inexplicably climbed the Billboard® charts, #1 with an Internet Patrolman's bullet! “Don’t Give Up On Us, Baby (And By Us I Mean Me)” was his entreatment; alas, I have it on some authority that give up on him his baby did indeed, which just goes to show that if you're so bloody desperate to keep your relations intact that you'll resort to letting the entirety of your guard down, singing earnestly about giving it one more try, teary-eyed for all the world to see, it will not end well for you, as your baby will soon be in the back seat of another bloke's 2-Door Ford Grand Torino and there's not much you can do about it, except hoist your holstered SansaBelt® trousers, snap your suspenders and take it like a man. Baring your soul may get you onto the Billboard or into heaven some day, but not back into her good graces, nor the graces of your Hazzard County partner Hutch or Starsky, who'd also had enough of him. Last we heard, Soul and his “Here Comes the Bride Number Five” moved to this side of the pond, to do what — chop wood? flash pearly whites? — one can’t imagine. But we do feel obligated to remember and, indeed, pray for this lost Soul on this Feast of All-Souls-including-David-Soul and ask that you do as well.