America, America, God Shed His Wrath On Thee

Why does floppy-haired Celebrity Realtor™ Derwood Trumpeteer hate America? Why does Hawaiian Islander™ Barry “Brock” Obama hate America? Why does the Holy Ghostly Pontiff-icator Pope Francisco Bergoglio hate bloody America? What is it about this earnest band of soft-rocking California long-hairs that draws the ire of the citizenry at either end of the political and religulous spectrum? ‘Tis confounding! The red-necked staters hate America! The blue-balled staters hate America! Tattooed twenty-somethings hate America! Unmasked (and unwarshed) gun-toters hate America! Organic farmers hate America! The stretch-panters at Lululemon Athletica® hate America (but they love the female form, haha!) Judging from my patrols of the chit-chatrooms 'round the vast and serpentine Arnold "Alf" Gore Memorial Misunformation Superhighway™, 'twould seem that everything on God’s green earth divides fathers, sons and grand-pappies, except for their universal distaste of the nationalistically-monikered band America. Bloody hell. Well, allow me to offer a dissenting opinion. I, for one, rather like America! I’ve never been through a desert on “A Horse With No Name (Nor Forwarding E-Mail Address),” but I don’t doubt that “the heat is hot” nor that there are “plants and birds and rocks and all manner of desert-like things” within plain sight. And while I’ve yet to travel the “Ace Ventura Highway,” methinks that when I do, 'twill be with a lovingly imagined, sun-swept “Sister (Though Not In The Biological Sense) Golden Hair” close at my side. Live long and posture, Messrs. Bunnell, Peckley and Peek! Citizen Troubadours™, nonpareil! ‪#‎StopHatingOnBloodyAmerica‬