Every Doggie Doc Has His Day

‘Tis Vet’s Day around the globe and judging from the well-formed — which is to say, curlicued — dog piles littering the sidewalks and roadsides along the information superhighway, Veterinarians are doing a fine job of things. Masterfully schooled in the art of getting a pet to “open wide and say ahh” — or possibly "arf" — Vets are the most modest of medical practitioners, unlike the wanker MDs and surgical know-it-alls who parade around hospitals like God’s gift to humankind, pinching candy stripers’ arses and such. ‘Twould seem to yours truly Dooley that there’s a shortage of proper Vets these days; as I think of it, I can’t honestly say I’ve known anyone to make good on their youthful intentions to go through a Veterinary program. ‘Tis rather like the fields of marine biology or astronomical science — noble professions, to be sure — but when judgment-challenged university freshmen discover the realities of their pie-in-the-sky pursuits — and how much the school end of things will cut into their time raiding sorority panty drawers or binge drinking themselves into a jail cell — they fall back on more ignoble careers, like public relations. In movie lore, Vets are always kindly, rural sorts, obligingly showing up at all hours and shoving their arms up some poor horse’s hoohaa to birth a stuck pony. In the real world, Vets appear to be finally getting their due as legitimate animal scientists; nowadays, you can’t buy dog or cat food that doesn’t carry some veterinarian’s stamp of approval on it. While one imagines that pets tire of their same-same dietary regimens, they are surely spared the calamitous, gastro-intestinal episodes that humans endure in their pursuit of the good life, and 'tis the Vets who make it so. If you have a happy pet — or a ball-less one, like our beloved Bloomfield — salute a Vet on this day. While you’re at it, arm yourself with a sturdy pooper scooper.