Sign of a Happy Marriage

Halt! Hold it right there, e-Citizen Conjugalists! If you insist on issuing inked proclamations 'cross the Twitternet™ for all the world to see, endeavor to use proper punctuation! To do otherwise heaps even greater shame on the shoulders of your long-suffering single parent mums, who did their noble best to get you through high school and one year of cosmetology college, bartendering classes or the equivalent. For your information, the felt-tip-markered signage you're holding is one comma stroke short — hence the station house correction in red, left — as 'tis required before a sentence-ending “too,” for reasons unbeknownst to anyone other than the Sisters Of Perpetual Grammar Instruction and Spirit Deflation. Now, as to the “messaging” contained therein, I wouldn’t hazard to guess as to why your marriage was once deemed illegal — OK, I’ll haphazard to guess: In olden days, mixed-breed sexualists were not allowed to unionize for fear of recessive gene fallout in their offspring’s DNA, further spiraling the dumbing-down of a socialist society or something. A racialist notion, indeed, and one you've wisely chosen to disregard, so bully for you, endearly beloveds; however, if I may offer some marital counsel: ‘Tis my belief that a couple ought not parade 'round extolling their love for one another — whether you’re celebrity lovebirds on the cover of Parade® magazine or two dopes waving a handmade sign online — as you’re tempting the fates — and inevitably, there's a falling out (of the marital bed), a storming off to a sibling's apartment, a blocking of one another on the social, an ill-advised mating with a work chum and rueing of the day you exchanged marital rows. So keep the signs to yourself, your nose to one another's arse ends and your share of the chores done and your marriage may stand a chance of remaining legal, which is to say, intact.