Marked Man

'Tis with no small measure of sadness that we note that today marks another somber Deathday™ for universally-adored, granny glass-adorned singer-songwriter John Lennon. If Memory Swerves™, Lennon was killed by delusional sitcom actor chap Mark Linn-Baker Chapman (pictured here in typical talent agency fashion as the dopey, doe-eyed, boy-next-door). The thin-lipped, height-challenged Chapman was reportedly obsessed with Jay Dee Salinger's smarty-pants book “Catch Her in the Rye” — which he considered to be the inspiration for the Lennon/ McCarthy song classic "Paperback Writer" — as well as with Coppertone™ tanning lotion model and sunglass scion Jodie Foster Grant — which apparently caused him to pursue the Liverpool legend to somewhere outside of the Dakotas — North or South, honestly, I can’t remember which. The peace-loving Lennon would oblige Baker’s oddball request to autograph his dog-eared copy of the aforementioned “Rye” novel and the Foster Grant®-wearing weasel returned the favor by gunning down the famed Beatle Brother. Bloody hell. Gratefully, we have Lenny’s music catalogue to remember him by, whilst Messrs. Linn-Baker Chapman and stumblebum Mediterranean sidekick Balki Bartokomous' annoying “Perfect Stranger” reruns will keep our blood at a rolling boil for all eternity. Happy Anni-hearse-ary™ to John Winston Lennon, who went to that strawberry field in the sky on this day December 8, 1980. Rest in peace, Lenny. (Sod off, sawed-off actor "chap man.")