If Memory Swerves, ‘twas on this day in history, December 30, 1955, that funny-faced vocal prodigy Barbra Streisand recorded “You’ll Never Know” at a New York studio. Originally intended as a novelty number, the song was written in response to nagging questions about the unusual spelling of “Bar-bra,” versus the more conventional “Bar-ba-bra.” Was it a birth hospital recording error? A deliberate A&R ploy? Did her language-challenged immigrant parents prefer the economy of a phonetic spelling? “You’ll Never Know,” was Streisand’s coy response. ‘Twould prove to be a brilliant retort that silenced the nascent blogosphere and before long, “A Star Was Born” or something. Over the years, others would remake the song when the spotlight shone too brightly on them. Doris Day recorded it when questions about co-star Rock Hudson’s virgility dogged them. Had Hudson’s rock ever presented itself during their pillow talks ‘neath the sheets? “You’ll Never Know,” she cooed to Hollywood busybody Rhonda Barrett. Tough-talking Eye-talian short stack Francesco Sinatro performed it in response to relentless badgering over whether he’d sliced off a horse’s head and tucked it into a producer’s bed. “You’ll Never Know” (“you country cocksuckers,” the bad actor added off mike.) Vocalist Denny Doherty of The Hippy Mamas and Hirsute Papas cut the song for a solo album in hopes of quelling the constant queries about whether the late Cass Elliott choked on a hamspread sandwich ‘top the toilet. “You’ll Never Know,” he sang defiantly. But ‘twas always and forever “Bar’s” song, bless her, and she returned to it time and again over the year when questions invaded the now 90-something’s personal space. Why did she ditch mutton-chopped seventies star Elliot Ghoul for jelly-haired hotelier James Brolin? “You’ll Never Know.” Yentl? “You Don’t Want To Know.”
