Monkey Shines
Today in, “Ask an Internet Patrolman,” Charlie Briggs of the American far west writes, “Dear Constable Dooley: In the mid ‘60’s, actress and singing Mouseketeer Annette Funicello starred in a zany little Walt Disney feature — ‘The Monkey’s Uncle,’ I believe it was called — yet my local Blockbuster has never heard of it. Perhaps you can assist in a digital retrieval of said film?” Dear Citizen Cinephile: Is your Blockbuster located at the corner of Last Century and You Must Be Bloody Joking? Haha, we kid because we care! Thank you for writing. As a uniformed police official charged with patrolling the vast and serpentine Albert Gore Memorial Misinformation Superhighway™, there’s not much that I haven’t seen, nor can’t procure. I was, indeed, able to unearth a copy of what’s known ‘round the station house as “A Monkey’s Relation,” and it stopped me in my tracks. There she is, America’s Sweetheart™, fronting a band of one-hit wondering harmonizers in a Walt Disney classic that until now has been buried deep in memory. A memory twinged with sadness, truth be told, for even though it’s been fifty long years since Ms. Funicello ditched the good-hearted Frankie Avalon for Midvale College’s hotshot genius Merlin Jones — the "Uncle" of teen-aged laboratory "Monkey" Stanley — I still feel the betrayal as though 'twas yesterday and my own heart being torn in two. And she didn’t stop there! ‘Twould seem that Ms. Funicello was making a bloody career of breaking hearts in 1965, and the next target was her own beloved father — Vincenzo, we'll posit — who surely felt the sting of his daughter’s decision to drop the Funicello name for the economy of simply Annette. Mind you, other artists of the era would soon be adopting a lone moniker — Donovan, Nilsson, Zamfir — so we’ll allow the hip-swivelling heartbreaker her selfish indulgence. All that said, Master Briggs, 'tis my pain of a half century to bear, not yours, so have a look at the link below and welcome the return of an endearing piece of Saturday cinema. The monkey's uncle's ape for me!
