Ellen Comes Out!

The news aggravators are reporting that television's Ellen “came out” on this day in history (April 29, 1997). No word on how long she'd been inside or what she was up to during that time — whether she was home-schooling the Walton grandchildren or tending to a sick mister driven mad from delirium tremens or whether she had taken to her own bed, peddling the monthly cycle as 'twere. Whatever she was up to, the thin details afforded the citizenry with the revelation "Ellen Comes Out" hardly shed adequate candlelight on the matter and 'tis why this uniformed official remains vigilant on his watch. Methinks a more substantive Twitternet™ reporting — from the inky quill of Yours Truly, Dooley® — would paint a picture with decidedly more detail: “Ellen came out today! She was wearing a cheerful, season-appropriate housecoat, a straw hat and carrying a pitcher of lemonade to her sonny and his woodworkers in the mountain garage. The neighbors were thrilled to see Ellen come out and waved as she headed downhill gayly into town for afternoon tea and a visit to Ike Godsey’s store to pick up some milled flour, salt water taffy 'n the weekly broadsheet. On her return home, Ellen stopped at the Baldwin sisters for some of "the Recipe" to sooth her mister’s ills. We have no knowledge of what tomorrow will bring, but Ellen did, indeed, "come out" on this day!” Bloody good for you, Ellen! 'Twas an outing worthy of a Time® magazine cover and one that marked the beginning of continued outings, with others fearlessly following you out into the village square and we're all the better for it. Come out, come out, whomever you are!