Froiled Again

Random Memorandum™ to the Mirro Aluminum Co. of Manitoba (Canada? Wisconsin? Is there a bloody difference?) : I'm writing this e-missive in regards to the attached "carousel" advert for your new Mirro-Matic WHIZ-GRID Speed Grill. Let me start by saying "Good Show!" to your engineering and marketing teams for the inspired product innovation and skillful communiqué. The attention-grabbing photography and capitalized lettering stopped me in my tracks, the playful word dance of “Mirro-Matic WHIZ-GRID” — say that fast 5 times! — put a smile on my face and the prospect of orange-gold or avocado-toned cookery tickled my fashion fancy. Of course, ‘twas the promise of time-savoured, full-flavoured steaks, burgers and something called a “Reubenesque” sandwich that set this Internet Patrolman's mouth to watering! However, I must take issue with your contention that you “invented” the word “froiling.” ‘Tis wholly without merit, sirs. Truth be well told, Yours Truly Dooley® first employed a dual-mode food prep I nicknamed "froiling" when I was fresh out of the Academy. In a moment of inspiration — with the aid of Grandmum’s collection of cast iron skilletry — I mapped out a sequence that took the skillet from the fry top to the broiler with swift, culinary aplomb and I commenced to "froiling" fast and flavorful chicken, fish, beef and bangers finger-lickedly-split. In conclusion, caution the lowly tattooed men and spectacled young birds on the business totem pole — the hipster advert doofuses — to inject more originality into their oft-for-naught, PhotoChopped™ creations and I predict the WHIZ-GRID will be the WHIZ-KID on either side of pond!