Random Memorandum™ To A Post-Apocalyptic Zardozian® Warrior: As you gird your loins, don your thigh-high suedes and load bullets into your space-age six-shooter, know that there will be some among your radiation-scarred citizenry — the very Tomorrow People® you endeavor to protect — who’ll take exception to your appearance. They'll scoff at your ma-cheese-mo military ensemble, while admiring your statuesque form with envy. They’ll measure their own inferior offering against your visible prolongation and accuse you of wearing a sort of “strap-on.” They’ll examine the generous length and fullness of it and swear it’s a synthetic appendage — phony “baloney,” if you will. ‘Tis bollocks, of course. They will not have seen you showering in the soldier’s bathhouse, Softsoaping® your manly expanse and conditioning your Samson-like tresses with Aussie™ 2290 conditioner. They will not have witnessed you in full frontal and rear-ended exposure, for if they did, they would see 'tis not a manufactured, ersatz extension, but rather, A REAL BLOODY PONYTAIL! The braiding and cascading of it necessary to keeping your arm movements free — for proper karate chopping — and your sight lines clear. Pay the enviers no nevermind, futuristic fighting man. Bravo, Ponytail-Gunner™ of Tomorrow!
