If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in cycling history (February 16, 2011) that strongman Lance Armstrong officially ended his two-wheeled, one-ballsacked ascent to the tip of the mountaintop and retired for good, or possibly the good of the sport. With his legend intact, and the rumormongers silenced, Master Arm — and surely Leg — Strong stepped away from the sport knowing that no one, or nothing, could tarnish his reputation, nor take away his gold-plated medals nor his signed collection of Sheryl Crow albums. That said, retirement is no easy feat. I’ve seen blokes younger than Armstrong drop dead in the garden halfway through their invented chores and sixth or seventh gin and tonic of the day. What's more, handing out yellow wristbands at strip clubs does not a career make. 'Tis why Yours Truly Dooley® thinks Armstrong has spent enough time "gagging the lolly" and now is the time for Master Lance to return to the Armstrong family business! Think of the press release to the news aggravators: “FOR IMMEDIATE POSTING OR SOMETHING. The Armstrong® Company—global know-it-alls in the manufacture of residential and commercial flooring, ceiling and cabinetry—announces the appointment of family scion Lance Armstrong to the position of Worldwide Ambassador. Lance’s cycling prowess will be put to the test as he spreads his considerable charms and our unrivaled product information to homeowners, builders and office engineers across this great land. We’re confident that no one can traverse the grid-structured streets of our targeted markets like the legendary Lance himself. Cheerio® and away he goes!" ### Livestrong®, Lance Armstrong, Ambassador to Armstrong® Industries!!" Wednesday, February 16
Armstrong, Legstrong
If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in cycling history (February 16, 2011) that strongman Lance Armstrong officially ended his two-wheeled, one-ballsacked ascent to the tip of the mountaintop and retired for good, or possibly the good of the sport. With his legend intact, and the rumormongers silenced, Master Arm — and surely Leg — Strong stepped away from the sport knowing that no one, or nothing, could tarnish his reputation, nor take away his gold-plated medals nor his signed collection of Sheryl Crow albums. That said, retirement is no easy feat. I’ve seen blokes younger than Armstrong drop dead in the garden halfway through their invented chores and sixth or seventh gin and tonic of the day. What's more, handing out yellow wristbands at strip clubs does not a career make. 'Tis why Yours Truly Dooley® thinks Armstrong has spent enough time "gagging the lolly" and now is the time for Master Lance to return to the Armstrong family business! Think of the press release to the news aggravators: “FOR IMMEDIATE POSTING OR SOMETHING. The Armstrong® Company—global know-it-alls in the manufacture of residential and commercial flooring, ceiling and cabinetry—announces the appointment of family scion Lance Armstrong to the position of Worldwide Ambassador. Lance’s cycling prowess will be put to the test as he spreads his considerable charms and our unrivaled product information to homeowners, builders and office engineers across this great land. We’re confident that no one can traverse the grid-structured streets of our targeted markets like the legendary Lance himself. Cheerio® and away he goes!" ### Livestrong®, Lance Armstrong, Ambassador to Armstrong® Industries!!" 