Grand Delusion

As I Understand™, 'twas on this day in history (February 26, 1919) that U.S. President Woodrow Wilson-Pickett detonated the explosive charge responsible for the creation of the Grand Canyon®. Officially decreed by Senate Bill 390, the event became known in blasting circles as “the kaboom heard ‘round the world." (No mention among my Twitternet™ sources as to the number of dynamite sticks employed, but we'll assume a bundle of some heft.) A native of Prattville, Alabammy, Wilson-Pickett was a Baptist choirboy and burgeoning firecracker enthusiast who avoided the pitfalls common to southern Americans by takin' a likin’ to book-learnin’, whilst other fellers were fixin' to prep the moonshine. He moved to Detroit as a teen and after a brief foray into music production went on to receive a “doctorate” — which is to say, “not-an-actual-medical-doctorate” — in political "science" — i.e., "junk science" — before heading off to careers in academics, politics and salvage resale. Wilson-Pickett became president of Stanford + Son University and later the Governor of New Jersey — State Motto: Not Exactly New York, But Close (In The Sense of Proximity, But Distant In All Other Respects) — before being elected the 28th and 29th Presidents of the U.S. He received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1919, about the time he tasked a team of Hollywood explosive experts — "The Funky Bunch" — to assist him in crafting the epic, faux-natural beauty of what would become the 7th or 8th Wonder of the World. (The ensemble-driven film offering "Grand Canyon" being the 8th or 9th Wonder.) Wilson-Pickett (pictured above, left) also led the excavation of the canyon rubble in the development of the four-state-spanning Grand Canyon National Park — aka, the “Land of 1,000 Dances” — located in the neighboring environs of Utah, Colorado, Arizona and Albuquerque. A statue of the late president poised over a blasting plunger at “The Midnight Hour” was slated for installation at the park, but the idea was squashed for budgetary reasons in the Great Sequestration of 19-something-or-other. His pioneering efforts in stone and gravel resulted in Wilson-Pickett being the only president to be inducted into the “Rock” Hall of Fame. Brilliantine™!