Random Memorandum™ to the “artisanal” bakers at Einstein’s Bagel’s™: Forgive
me for saying so, gents, but if bagel-making is an "art," I'm bloody
Art Linkletter. Indeed, after examining the curricula at art schools on either
side of the pond, I've found no mention of any formalized programs in edible
“artistry.” I’ve even reached out to a number of arsewipes at those phony
baloney art institutes — the ones that churn out the so-called commercial
artists — the mural makers, comic strip illustrators and advert art directors in
the skinny pants and vanity eye wear — again, nothing in their syllabi speaks to
a field of study involving the "fine art" of mixing flour, yeast and
water, whilst pre-heating a bloody oven to 375 degrees. I can only conclude
that diplomas in “artisanal baking” are issued solely at the University In Your
Dreams. While I understand that your wild-haired, namesake founder Albert was
himself something of a university art-or-possibly-scien-tist, methinks the
association ends there. I must insist that you cease any reference to the title
"artist," in any sense, or risk a proper citation. On the bright side, please know this missive is not an attack on your puffy creations on whole, as we at the station house all delight in the generously-spiced Einstein’s Bagels of our “chew-sing.” Carry on then, Citizen Doughboys!
