Oh, for crying out loud!
There, there, luv. Dry you eyes with that Dollar Store® tissue and tell Yours Truly Dooley™ what this is all about. You've fallen for a bloke in uniform, you say? A certain Internet Patrolman who acts as though you don't exist and whose sweet, loving affection you fear you'll never enjoy? Oh for crying out loud, surely you don't mean me, madam?! ‘Twould be wholly inappropriate for me to have my way with every lonely bird who's sexted vignetted glamour nudes to my private cellular line! Besides, you’re young enough to be my hot daughter! May/December conjugality may be acceptable behavior at the picture show — where Michael Douglases mingle and cunnilingle at will — or online at Stumblr™ — where breast flashers cavort with flagellating scoundrels thrice their age — but in decent society, a senior official making a pantless advance on a vulnerable, cisgendered citizen is rather like that parfum by Dana, which is to say, Taboo®. Might I suggest you join a lonely hearts clubs or write a military man in a war zone foxhole or stake out the market and ask some dopey bloke for assistance whilst sizing up English cucumbers in the produce aisle? Surely a beauty such as yourself will have better success there than Skyping® your romantical intentions to the station house. By the by, be thankful I’m an honourable man or your cries of ecstasy would shatter the glass on your mobile device. Alrighty almighty, then, dearie. Gather yourself and go about your day with grace, whilst going easy on the vodka, as it'll dry your skin.
There, there, luv. Dry you eyes with that Dollar Store® tissue and tell Yours Truly Dooley™ what this is all about. You've fallen for a bloke in uniform, you say? A certain Internet Patrolman who acts as though you don't exist and whose sweet, loving affection you fear you'll never enjoy? Oh for crying out loud, surely you don't mean me, madam?! ‘Twould be wholly inappropriate for me to have my way with every lonely bird who's sexted vignetted glamour nudes to my private cellular line! Besides, you’re young enough to be my hot daughter! May/December conjugality may be acceptable behavior at the picture show — where Michael Douglases mingle and cunnilingle at will — or online at Stumblr™ — where breast flashers cavort with flagellating scoundrels thrice their age — but in decent society, a senior official making a pantless advance on a vulnerable, cisgendered citizen is rather like that parfum by Dana, which is to say, Taboo®. Might I suggest you join a lonely hearts clubs or write a military man in a war zone foxhole or stake out the market and ask some dopey bloke for assistance whilst sizing up English cucumbers in the produce aisle? Surely a beauty such as yourself will have better success there than Skyping® your romantical intentions to the station house. By the by, be thankful I’m an honourable man or your cries of ecstasy would shatter the glass on your mobile device. Alrighty almighty, then, dearie. Gather yourself and go about your day with grace, whilst going easy on the vodka, as it'll dry your skin.