Deadeye Takes Dead Aim
If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in history — February 11, 2006 — that trigger-happy U.S. Viceroy Richard W. Chainy peppered a luckless 78-year-old attorney with bird pellets whilst quail hunting in Texas. 'Twas thought to be something of a stunt gone wrong, as Chainy had a reputation for being a notorious trickster, "pulling fast ones" and "fart fingers" on politicos, job creators and unamused First Ladys. By all reports, Chainy and one Harry Whittington had been chug-a-lugging — which is to say, "shotgunning" — tall boy Shiner® beers all morning in the bloody RV, before stumbling out into the daylight, where Chainy commenced to firing at Whittington's feet, commanding him to "dance, dance, dance," "you old cocksucker" and dance his sorta friend sorta did, until falling to his knees, where he was shot repeatedly in the arse, the head, neck and chest by his chicken-hawkish hunting partner. As Secret Service agents ably swooped in to shield Whittington, the sharpshooting prankster continued to fire away aimlessly at the pole barn, the windshield of the RV and the tires and cab of a nearby tractor. Whittington was whisked away to one hospital and helicoptered to another, whilst Chainy nobly returned to the RV to clean up and settle his nerves with generous pours of brown liquor. No birds were harmed that day and Whittington later apologized for the trouble he caused the put-upon, warmongering commando. Apology denied!
If Memory Swerves™, 'twas on this day in history — February 11, 2006 — that trigger-happy U.S. Viceroy Richard W. Chainy peppered a luckless 78-year-old attorney with bird pellets whilst quail hunting in Texas. 'Twas thought to be something of a stunt gone wrong, as Chainy had a reputation for being a notorious trickster, "pulling fast ones" and "fart fingers" on politicos, job creators and unamused First Ladys. By all reports, Chainy and one Harry Whittington had been chug-a-lugging — which is to say, "shotgunning" — tall boy Shiner® beers all morning in the bloody RV, before stumbling out into the daylight, where Chainy commenced to firing at Whittington's feet, commanding him to "dance, dance, dance," "you old cocksucker" and dance his sorta friend sorta did, until falling to his knees, where he was shot repeatedly in the arse, the head, neck and chest by his chicken-hawkish hunting partner. As Secret Service agents ably swooped in to shield Whittington, the sharpshooting prankster continued to fire away aimlessly at the pole barn, the windshield of the RV and the tires and cab of a nearby tractor. Whittington was whisked away to one hospital and helicoptered to another, whilst Chainy nobly returned to the RV to clean up and settle his nerves with generous pours of brown liquor. No birds were harmed that day and Whittington later apologized for the trouble he caused the put-upon, warmongering commando. Apology denied!