If Memory Swerves™, ‘twas on this day in music history — February 11, 1989 — that costumed, hair-metal hip-swiveller David Coverdale wed his hair-sprayed, legs-splayed music video co-star Tawdry Kitaen. The onetime object of bachelor-partying Tom Hanks’ desires, Kitaen was a struggling hard-body on the LA scene who shot to relative stardom after writhing spread-eagle atop the Whitesnake — or rather, the Whitesnake singer’s Bentley® motorcar. ‘Twas a role the toothsome, fulsome actress won in an infamous audition where Coverdale (pictured here, second from right, or possibly left) lip sank, “Is this love that I’m feeling?” and Tawdry (pictured here, second from left, or possibly right) shot back, “No, it's my left jug,” causing the intoxicated front man to nearly spill his tumbler of Jack Daniels® into a production assistant’s mound of cocaine. Kitaen would perform in two of the usual soft-focus videos for the band — “Is This Love (That I'm Feeling With Some Urgency Under The Bleachers At The High School Gymnasium)?” and “Here I Go Again (With The Self Pleasuring On The Tour Bus)”— both still popular on VH1 Classic® shows like “I Love The 80’s (Even Though That Was 80 Pounds and A Full Head Of Hair Ago).” Sadly, if predictably, Tawdry and David’s marital journey strayed the course, collapsing in the wake of Kitaen’s rumoured infidelity with celebrity sports memorabiliast Orenthal “Juiced” Simpson and Coverdale’s horrifying musical dalliance with satanic, majestic Jimmy Page. Today, Coverdale continues to play the part of the leathery — skinned, lunged and panted — howler, holding out hope that his Whitesnake enjoys entry into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Shame, whilst the tucked and plucked Kitaen is reactive on the Twitternet™, sharing indecipherable, emoticon-filled bleets and low-definition screen grabs from younger days. Bless them.
